Amish Adventures
by potbellies-take-over-the-world
Summary: Hermione, Hagrid, and Snape are transported to Amish country, which I love. Rather weird. Half credit to Pretty Little Malfoy. She said it should be humor but I don't know why!  Yes I do; just read it.


A/N: I absolutely love Amish people. wprincessluv helped me write a lot of this and gave me the idea, so she gets credit, too. But she isn't Amish hahahahaha!

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or any Amish, except for some little figurines. I don't mean to offend the Amish. I love you guys! Even though it would be against your beliefs to even be reading this. But I do own the last piece of gum on Earth! Ooooh!

Amish Adventures

"Miss Granger. Glad you could finally grace us with your presence. You may sit here, in front of me."

"Yes, Professor." Hermione fumed silently as she sat at the desk nearest Snape's desk.

Hermione was serving detention.

Yes, she, Hermione Granger, Prefect, top of every class, and a shoo-in for Head Girl, had detention. With Professor Snape.

It hadn't been that big of a deal, actually. She had been two minutes late for Defense Against the Dark Arts because she had stopped to help some First Years find their way to Transfiguration. She believed a Prefect should be helpful to everyone, a source of information and full of kindness. She believed you should be able to come to your local Prefect for guidance. She wanted to be the perfect role model.

But now! Her second detention in six years! She'd never make Head Girl now!

"You will be taking inventory, of sorts," announced Professor Snape with an evil grin. "Horace has been looking for someone to count the Flobberworms."

Hermione pursed her lips and opened the container of Flobberworms that sat in front of her and began counting them.

_This is just too gross,_ thought Hermione as she set the twenty-seventh slimy worm on the desk space next to her.

Time wore on. Professor Snape was grading papers. Hermione recognized it as the sixth-year Defense essay on advanced protective spells and kept an eager eye out for her own.

Hermione had reached three hundred and sixty-four when she saw her own tiny writing, Professor Snape skimmed it, then put a grade at the top: A three.

Hermione dropped flobberworm number three hundred and sixty-five on the floor. Forgetting her decorum (and who she was talking to) she burst out, "Sir, I don't think that's very fair."

Snape's eyes narrowed. "Don't you? Well, you can see how fair it is in detention tomorrow evening. You completely missed the point of the lesson. Didn't you understand the fact that different spells protect you against different means of attack? Protego won't get you far in the real world, Miss Granger."

Hermione slammed her hand on the table and stood up to go _show_ him where she had written the textbook theory on just what he had said. Unfortunately…

She had knocked over the flobberworm container and squished the fallen one with her shoe.

"Oh no!" cried Hermione.

"Lost count, have we? I suppose you'll be here longer than you had planned, Miss Granger." Snape smirked.

"Oh! I am not going to sit her for two more hours counting these things! They're repulsive and I have more important things to do!" Hermione said indignantly. _This was so unfair! _One part of her said. The other replied, _Good-bye, Head Girl badge._

"Miss Granger, you need to learn to apply yourself and more importantly, to respect your superiors!" Snape said loudly.

"Wha's goin' on? I heard shoutin'." Hagrid burst into the Defense Against the Dark Arts classroom.

"He's trying to make me count these foul things like some sort of slave! He's treating me like he would treat a house-elf!" Her eyes flashed at the thought of the house-elves, counting flobberworms before the start of each term.

"Tha's cruel! I'm getting' Dumbledore!" Hagrid said, overreacting again.

"You'll do no such thing!" yelled Snape angrily. He grabbed Hagrid's arm.

Hermione watched in horror as Snape's hands tried to make their way to Hagrid's neck. "NO!"

She shouted the first spell that came to mind.

"PORTUS!"

Hagrid glowed white. Nothing happened. She had turned him into a Portkey! Snape's hands had fastened themselves around Hagrid's neck. Hermione began to cry.

"Don't hurt him!" she sobbed, grabbing his hand with one of hers and wrestling Snape's away with the other.

There was a flash, and they were gone.

The three appeared in the middle of a dirt road, a crying girl with a worm on the bottom of her shoe and an angry man in black robes, both holding onto a huge man with a beard. At least, that was what the man in the buggy saw in front of him.

The girl stopped crying and stood up. "Professors!" she yelped. Snape looked up from strangling Hagrid and looked around.

"Where in the name of Merlin's mother are we?" Snape asked in awe and fury.

Hagrid had risen as well. "Look a' the sign," he said, pointing to the side of the road and gesturing to the horse-drawn vehicle in front of them.

The sign read: Welcome to Orville, Ohio: Gateway to Amish Country.

A/N: I also love Hagrid in a platonic way. Please review or I'll eat you!


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